22 Witty George Carlin Quotes and Sarcastic Sayings

“Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.”

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”

“Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”

“Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.”

“Some people see things that are and ask, ‘Why?’ Some people dream of things that never were and ask, ‘Why not?’ Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.”

 “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”

“A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.”

“Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.”

“The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.”

“Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.”

“Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.”

“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”

 “Careful, if you think too much, they’ll take you away.”

 “Think off-center.”

“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”

“Conservatives say if you don’t give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they’ve lost all incentive because we’ve given them too much money.”

“By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.”

“If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.”

“One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.”

“People always tell me ‘Have a nice day.’ Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?”

“It’s never just a game when you’re winning.”

“Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.”

“Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?”

20 George Carlin Quotes about Life to Inspire You to Live Your Best Life

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